The Midnight Meat Train (2008) Review

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(More customer reviews)I caught The Midnight Meat Train for free on FearNet On Demand through my cable company. I was shocked to see it available, especially since the DVD isn't due out for months. Clive Barker can be proud of this film because other than Hellraiser, this is the best flick taken from his stories.
Vinnie Jones when used properly in roles like this, is one scary dude. He only has one line towards the end, but his stare alone says everything his mouth isn't. Bradley Cooper is likeable as the lead and the rest of the cast is decent.
You gotta love the gore here. It would make any fan of old school horror films proud. There was a little CGI used, but it didn't really get in the way. The visual style and cinematography are very good as well.
The only negatives would have to be that some of the dialogue is below average and certain characters do some really dumb things, but this is a horror movie, right? It comes with the territory.
The Midnight Meat Train deserved a wider release and will likely gain a strong following on DVD. One thing is for sure, I won't even think about riding on a subway train again.
3 and 1/2 out of 5 stars

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Item Name: The Midnight Meat Train; Studio:Lions Gate

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All About Steve (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)People Magazine gave this a 1/2 star out of 5. It truly wasn't that bad.
Here are my thoughts.
Sandra Bullock's character is awkward and that is an understatement. This still-at-home-with-mom-and-dad crossword-puzzle-creator is an unique blend of Cliff Clavin (Cheers) Napoleon Dynamite and Pippi Longstocking. I struggled with whether to like Mary and cheer her on or to just be annoyed and laugh at her when she fell into the big hole. I ended up doing both.
Basic plot: Mary, due to outside pressures, thinks she needs to take her one last shot of normalcy by embracing (understatement) a blind date. When he comes to pick her up and turns out to be "hot" she does this creepy silent stare thing and runs back upstairs to put some sexy on. A truly awkward scene follows when she jumps Steve (Bradley Cooper), not after an okay date but before they even pull away from her folks' house. At first Steve is dazzled by the skin and enthusiasm but then he begins to think she might be crazy so he invents an excuse...a phone call sending him away. While he's attempting to get her out of the van before she truly goes crazy he mentions wishing she could go with him. More circumstances make that a possibility. Some may call it stalking, Mary calls it many, many other things in long paragraphs and polysyllabic words.
Mary is not just a person who talks all the time -- she's a walking encyclopedia of random facts -- and she ends up alienating loads of people on her quest to find Steve. Then she becomes a hero, accidentally, of course. Thomas Haden Church plays the annoying, selfish anchorman wanna-be and he eggs Mary on. Though I wasn't sure what his motivation was exactly his encouragement got Mary to relentlessly pursue Steve. Most of the characters are oddly eccentric, almost cartoonish, from Mary's parents to Haden Church's nemesis. It was almost as if the movie was an attempt to tell a quirky feel good story blended with a parody. It's one of the stranger films I've seen.
Content warnings. The groping scene in the beginning 20 minutes of so of the movie goes on too long and it should be screened before child/young teen viewing. That probably won't be an issue though since most children will likely get bored. Several sexual references are scattered throughout the film. One news story that Steve chases down involves a fight over amputating a baby girl's third leg and there are a few obvious body part innuendo/references. Some language. Some skin, mostly cleavage.
There are several amusing one-liners and descriptives and a pretty sweet tornado besides some great physical comedy and pratfalls. A few scenes are laugh-out-loud funny. Many, many more are shake-the-head shrug inspiring. I'll give it a 3 and I'll probably watch it again when it hits DVD, if for no other reason, to see if I understand it a little better. Maybe it will have that Napoleon Dynamite magic. I didn't like it the first time I watched it either.

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The A-Team (2010) Review

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(More customer reviews)The A-Team is what movies used to be and should be now: fun. We used to herald the mindless summer blockbuster back when the explosions were fire and not CG, when Bruce Willis was all you needed to make a movie great, and an excellent plot was something you only expected to find in dramas filled with stuffy British accents. Yes, the majority of film has always sucked but we didn't care because we weren't paying $12.50 to see what's being shuffled down our throats today. As indie film has taken over the mutliplexs, the only escape we have to someplace fun is through stuff with Shia Lebouf in it. Disgrace, I tell you! But not all is lost. We have people like Joe Carnahan who still know how to make a night at the movies a blast.
Now, the critics panned this movie because it's short on plot and way too loud. Dude, it's based on The A-Team. The A-Team was a show about fast and violent missions with Mr. T preferring not to fly and Hannibal loving when a plan comes together. You didn't watch The A-Team for MASH, you watched it because it was cool. And that's exactly what this movie is. Cool. It's a thrill ride from the very beginning to the very end and not a lot of movies can deliver on that promise. Some twists are predictable and you're satisfied when you see it coming. Some are not and you're satisfied because you're surprised. I don't want to spoil anything about the story but the basic plot is all you really need. This movie is a video game in that you first get the reason to want to shoot things and then all you want to know next is where to get the ammo. It's loud and shaky, as is the trend with today's action movies, but not obnoxious like that other "we were framed and now we're super mad about it. As a team because camaraderie is important" movie, The Losers. Plus Sharlto Copley and Liam Neeson are fine, fine actors and you can't go wrong with 'em.

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CONVICTED BY A MILITARY COURT FOR A CRIME THEY DIDNT COMMIT, A DARING TEAM OF FORMER SPECIAL FORCES SOLDIERS MUST UTILIZE THEIR UNIQUE TALENTS TO BREAK OUT OF PRISON AND TACKLE THEIR TOUGHEST MISSION YET. ITS GOING TO TAKE GUTS, SPLIT-SECOND TIMING AND AN ARSENAL OF EXPLOSIVE WEAPONS.

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