The Time Machine (2002) Review

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(More customer reviews)It may be unfair, but a remake of a hit movie must always be compared to the original. The 1960 original of THE TIME MACHINE was a deserved hit. The 2002 version may be a treat for the eyes, but unfortunately, not for the brain. Part of the problem is that Simon Wells, the great-grandson of H. G. Wells, directed the movie as if he were more entranced with dazzling special effects (and dazzling they are) than with bringing out a believable, fully fleshed series of characters. In 1960, director George Pal wisely kept the focus squarely on the hero's adventures and why he helped the human Eloi. In 2002, Simon Wells clearly loved the image of leaping, loping half-humans that he had seen in previous sci-fi movies. The supporting cast in the age of the time traveler (David Pearce) did not do very much to point out his character. His girlfiend Emma (Sienna Guillory) was in the film only to motivate him to build a time machine to alter the past to avoid her death. One would think that such a clumsy device would not be sufficient by itself to galvanize the time traveller. In the original, Rod Taylor's scientific curiosity with time was quite sufficient a motivation.
The real hero of the movie is the special effects co-ordinator. The images of one day melding into the next are memorable. Further, the appearance of the Morlocks as a cross between man and fish stuns the senses. Jeremy Irons disappoints as the Morlocks leader. As Irons pontificates on the split between Eloi and Morlocks, the viewer can see under the pasty-white makeup and hear the Irons from DIE HARD III lecturing Bruce Willis on similar such claptrap. Further, the ending, which I shall not divulge here, is an incomprehensible mess of weird logic unconnected to resulting effect. What emerges by the end of the film is the growing realization that Simon Wells ought to have paid less attention to being different from his forebear and more attention to a director who knew how to weave a magical spell that would not get lost in the techo wizardry that passes for the cutting edge in computer special effects.

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Caveman (1981) Review

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(More customer reviews)Everyone has a favorite "stinker" in their home video collection, and this is mine. My girlfriend thinks I'm nuts. My friends cringe and turn the other way whenever I mention it. And my family offers me "special medication" if I try and get them to watch it...again.
But what can I say; I love this film. It's banality, shallowness, and out-and-out unscientific approach to modern man's changes and discoveries throughout the eons is just hilarious to watch. It's a ridiculous film, and so should be watched with that in mind. Why?
The story is about Atouk played by former Beatle master Ringo Starr, who is kicked out of his caveman tribe by the muscular and massive chief Tonda (probably lineman John Matuszak's only role on film, I'd guess) because he's in love with the chief's woman, Lana (a VERY busty Barbara Bach).
Once out on his own, Atouk begins to make new friends. They include Lar (Dennis Quaid), Tala (Shelley Long), Gog (Jack Gilford), Ta (Cork Hubbert), and a gazillion others. Among this rag-tag grouping comes the ability to stand up straight, how to cook a dinosaur egg, how to kill a rather large dragonfly by using someone's face (my favorite part in the film...but I felt bad for Dennis Quaid), the discovery of fire, music, drugs, homosexuality, and weapons, and just about a million years of evolution and discovery all wrapped up in one short, foolish film.
So call me a moron. Go ahead, it's okay. But this film is a great no-brainer, laugh-a-minute flick.
Now I'll go grunt in the corner for while...

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Ex-Beatle Ringo Starr, Dennis Quaid, Barbara Bach and Shelley Long band together in a hilarious love story for the ages'the stone ages! With an all-star cast and fun special effects, this cult comedyclassic is a "cheery, playful" (The New York Times) romp through BC that "aims for belly laughs and gets them" (Variety)! Prehistoric life is tough for poor, lovesick Atouk (Starr). As the smallest and weakest caveman of his tribe, he is unable to win the heart of the beautiful Lana (Bach) and is banished from the cave by Lana's mate, Tonda (NFL star John Matuszak), the hulking chief of the tribe. Forced to wander the ancient wilderness, Atouk meets a variety of unlikelyallies who, after hearing his story, want to help him get back in with his clan. And before Atouk knows it, he's the chief of his own tribe of misfits! Leading his rag-tag band of oddballs into battle, Atouk has one mission in mind: to knock Tonda off his throne and carry Lana away by her hair!

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