Hatchet (Unrated Director's Cut) (2006) Review

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(More customer reviews)it says it right on the cover "oldschool american horror." if you go into this expecting an Oscar winner, you are obviously gonna be disappointed. this is a no frills, no holds barred slasher flick. on the other hand, the villain's appearance among other things really keep me from taking it very seriously. part homage, part spoof, Hatchet deffinitely gets the job done.
the killer is one Victor Crowley. born with various deformities all over his body, he grew up secluded in his home with his father. that is, until the day some local kids accidentally start a fire in the house. Victor's father accidentally killed him with a hatchet while trying to get through the door to save him. now he wanders those same woods and swamps looking to dish out some pain in return for his own.
starts off with a relatively traditional horror intro (you know what im talking about)
cut to a couple days later. the main character("villain" from Grandma's Boy! also in Accepted) of this movie is highly unhappy at Mardi Gras and looks into a haunted swamp tour for some alternative entertainment. most of the characters are fairly cliched. you got the paris hiltonish girls (eh), the hero, the token back dude, the sensitive guy, the completely helpless old couple, and the sleaze. traditionally, it doesnt take too long for the chaos to begin.
a fairly over-used formula at this point, but just like "The Tripper", "Hatchet" manages to be supremely entertaining with an extremely interesting kill or two thrown in for good measure. plenty of blood and guts to satisfy any horror fan, but probably not grisly enough for the most jaded of gore hounds. kills with nothing but bare hands, kills with the ominous hatchet, and a power tool may even just get thrown in there. the action does not disappoint. while i didnt find it genuinely scarey at any moment (they hardly ever are), you feel a little tension at times, it has very satisfying death sequences(victor can be so creative!) and some surprisingly good humor, its an extremely entertaining horror movie. recommended to fans of the genre, especially slasher fans. most others wont get it.

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Get ready for one of the most talked-about, red- blooded American horror movies of the past 20 years: When a group of New Orleans tourists take a cheesy haunted swamp tour, they slam face-first into the local legend of deformed madman Victor Crowley. What follows is a psycho spree of seat-jumping scares, eye- popping nudity, skull-splitting mayhem and beyond. Joel David Moore (DODGEBALL), Deon Richmond (SCREAM 3) and Mercedes McNab (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER) star – along with horror icons Tony ‘Candyman’ Todd, Robert ‘Freddy Krueger’ Englund and Kane ‘Jason’ Hodder – in this screamingly funny carnage classic that Fangoria hails as “a no-hold-barred homage to the days when slasher films were at their reddest and wettest!”

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Friday the 13th, Part VII - The New Blood (1988) Review

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(More customer reviews)This is easily one of the better efforts in the Friday series but it suffers just like the rest of them from cuts, cuts, cuts. This is, apparently, one of the most cut entries by far as the MPAA rejected many of the more elaborate gore effects. Director John Carl Buechler is a respected makeup effects man and was a good choice to helm a Friday flick. A lot was put into the effects, especially for Jason. This marks Kane Hodder's first turn as the hockey-masked killer, and he gets the best makeup effects for the role.
The New Blood's Jason is a full-blown, rotting, hulking zombie. Check out the exposed ribs and spinal column under the shredded clothes. We also get a look at Jason's face, or what's left of it (including a big hole in the cheek, exposed teeth, rotting flesh, etc). That alone is enough for fans to check out the film, even if you're just a casual horror fan.
The ::ahem:: story involves Tina (Lar Park Lincoln), a Carrie-like teen girl who travels back to Crystal Lake years after an unfortunate and uncontrolled episode with her telekinetic powers led to her father's death. Accompanying her are her mother and her psychiatrist. The latter is played by none other than Terry Kiser, aka Bernie Lomax from Weekend at Bernie's(!) Being a psychiatrist in a horror film, he's naturally evil, trying to exploit the girl's powers for his own gains. (At one point Tina finds newspaper clippings about Jason and the murders in the doctor's desk along with a gun. It's never made entirely clear whether he was concerned and afraid of their surroundings or if he wanted to use Tina to raise Jason from the dead).
Next door to the not-so-happy family, of course, a house full of young, stupid, would-be victims. (Apparently the brutal murders occuring regularly around the lake still don't detract vacationers!)
Well, once Tina raises Jason from the dead (involuntarily) the action gets under way. And he's quite busy, as this has easily one of the highest Friday body counts. Ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah... Our young vacationers are dispatched with a lovely array of sharp objects, gardening tools, and even a plastic party horn(!) Jason also repeats himself a bit by simply throwing one girl out the window, and crushing some poor sap's head. All of the murders are edited down until there's little blood and gore. What sets this Friday apart from the others in terms of cutting is the fact that Buechler himself has tried hard to petition Paramount to release a proper DVD version of the film with all of the material he had to cut for an R rating restored.
This, of course, is NOT that DVD.
Among the blood and guts left on the cutting room floor (ha!) is the death of good 'ol Bernie Lomax. Jason gets all handyman on us when he employs some kind of weed-wacker with a big circular saw blade on the doctor. You see almost nothing on this DVD, but apparently this was all quite grisly with innards flying everywhere. Supposedly one of--if not the--best effects in the film was trimmed as well. That would be the axe-in-the-face effect on that cheesy preppy guy by the lake. Melissa's death (by axe to head) was also quite special, according to Buechler.
Sure, it's sick. But isn't that why we watch these films? Why won't Paramount give us all a fair shake? And for a director of one of these classics to come out and lobby hard for a restored release--how great is that?
This is definitely one of my favorite Friday flicks. I would just love to see the rest of it. The tone of these films is dampened by all of the cuts and choppy edits in the murder portions.
This DVD is not recommended unless you reeeally want it or if you've worn out your VHS copy. Also, what the heck is going on with the artwork on these DVDs?! Check out the cover of this, or of Part VI. What's up? They can't get the original artwork? Completely, utterly lame.

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Ever since homicidal maniac Jason Voorhees got trapped in chains at the bottom of Crystal Lake, the nearby summer camp has operated without a hitch . . . without a murder. But one of this season's happy campers has brought along a deadly secret.
Tina Shepherd can see the future and levitate objects. Her doctor knows just how dangerous telekinesis can be, but he's out to exploit her, not help her. And now it's too late. Tina has accidentally unchained Jason from his watery grave, and the bloodbath is underway.
Tina's special powers are her only hope for survival. But what chance does a teenage girl have against an axe-wielding maniac?

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