Bitch Slap (Unrated) (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)Oh yes, "Bitch Slap" is everything you think it is. Girls. Guns. Catfights. Explosions. Lesbian romances. A story of bad guys, booty, alliances, betrayals, and secrets. It's being billed as, "a post-modern, thinking man's throwback to the B movie/exploitation films of the 1950s - 70s," but the truth is it gives us little to think about, and I'm hard pressed to say that it reexamines modern assumptions of culture, identity, and language. It does, however, open with a Joseph Conrad quote: "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." We see the word "men" and automatically think it's a blatant anti-male message. But by the end of the film, it's made abundantly clear that women are just capable of being wicked. Equality through evil. Funny.
This movie is irredeemably enjoyable, preposterous in both its story and its characters yet magnetic as a satire disguised as a schlocky male fantasy. It tells the story of three bad girls, all smoking hot, who find themselves in a plot to extort diamonds and weapons from an underworld kingpin, whose identity is a secret. The redhead is Hel, presumably short for Helen (Erin Cummings); she seems to be the leader of the group, tough but levelheaded, able to see the big picture and plan accordingly. The blonde is Camero (America Olivo), an oversexed hothead who's on medication. She's one of those people that hates everyone and is mad about everything, and has the dialogue to prove it. The brunette is a stripper named Trixie (Julia Voth), always upset, always overwhelmed, always wanting to play by the rules.
Every opportunity is taken to flaunt their feminine assets, and boy, do they have them - a basic shot is a slow-motion close-up of heaving breasts and deep cleavage, although some time is set aside for bare legs. There's never a moment when they aren't wearing high heels or don't have makeup painted on their faces. And then there are times when they pause to do a little manual labor, such as digging in the middle of the desert. My, but it's burning hot, and ... is that a bucket of water sitting there? Maybe they should splash each other playfully in order to stay cool. Things will heat back up later on, when Trixie and Hel discover that their feelings for one another are deeper than they first imagined. That's about when the situation goes completely out of control. Loyalties change. Identities are revealed. People get shot. Things blow up. And did I mention the catfights?
Intertwined with this is a ridiculous but somehow appropriate subplot about a notorious criminal known only as Pinky, never dealt with directly and never seen but fabled to be the most dangerous criminal mastermind who ever lived. When Trixie innocently brings up the subject, Hel and Camero speak in the same tones as someone telling a ghost story around a campfire. "Many believe Pinky's a phantom," says Camero. "Others think he sold his soul to the devil. I think he IS the devil." Maybe so; a flashback sequence shows a silhouetted figure going nuts with what appear to be samurai swords, used to decapitate people left and right. Do we ever discover what Pinky looks like? With such gorgeous women displayed on the big screen, can you honestly say that you care?
When this movie is not going out of its way to be sexy, then it's being incredibly goofy. Take Olivo, for example; the angrier she gets, the funnier she becomes, not only because she spews unbelievably inane profanity, but also because her character is the most aggressive. And just wait until you hear of her tryst with a sideshow contortionist. Let's also consider the director, Rick Jacobson; he's currently at work on the new "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" television series and has been involved with "She Spies," "Cleopatra 2525," "Batwatch," "La Femme Nikita," "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys," and "Xena: Warrior Princess." The last two are noteworthy because Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, and Renée O'Connor all have cameos in "Bitch Slap." Or maybe they aren't noteworthy at all. Whatever.
This movie is, essentially, a cross between an erotic photo shoot and a silly crime caper, one that has been fed into a low-tech special effects mill. And I suppose that's why I had fun watching it. While I ultimately have no good reason for recommending it, you have to admit, there is something infectious about a movie that actively tries to be bad. I'm reminded of an often repeated Pauline Kael quote: "Movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we have very little reason to be interested in them." "Bitch Slap" is, indeed, great trash, projected up on the screen in all its violent, foulmouthed, double-D glory. Fellas, this is your lucky day.

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A modern throwback to the "B" movie exploitation films of the 50's-70's, mixing beautiful women, fast cars, big guns, nasty tongues, outrageous action, and jaw-dropping eye candy. The movie follows three bad girls, a down-and-out stripper, a drug running killer, and a corporate power broker as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort massive booty from an underworld kingpin.

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Whip It (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)"Whip It" is surprisingly good in spite of itself, conventional as a sports movie yet mature in its development of character. It's also an entertaining spectacle, which is relief for me since I've never given much thought to women's Roller Derby (or even sports in general, but that's a topic for another day). Drew Barrymore has done well to hype it as her directorial debut; she proves that she not only has the technical skills, but also the ability to move a story along through dialogue, pacing, and emotion. Having practically grown up in front of the camera, I think it's safe to assume she knows a thing or two about what a film needs in order for it to work. The first thing she did right was cast Ellen Page, who has repeatedly demonstrated just how versatile an actress she is.
She's no exception here. She plays seventeen-year-old Bliss Cavendar, who was raised in a middle-of-nowhere Texas town and gets by as a diner waitress. Her overbearing mother, Brooke (Marcia Gay Harden), a product of a very different set of standards, pressures Bliss into competing in beauty pageants, believing you have to make do with what you've got when you're young and attractive. When Bliss is made aware of a Roller Derby match in nearby Austin, she decides to go and see what all the fuss is about. Lo and behold, she likes what she sees. She then meets Maggie Mayhem (Kristen Wiig), a teammate for the Hurl Scouts, and is encouraged to try out for the team. Maggie is one of several teammates that has adopted a clever nickname; some of the other Hurl Scouts are Smashley Simpson (Drew Barrymore), Rosa Sparks (Eve), and the Manson Sisters (Kristen Adolfi and Rachel Piplica).
Under the guise of taking an SAT studies class, Bliss sneaks away to Austin every week for practice. Conflict abounds: Not only have the Hurl Scouts never won a single game, Bliss' teammates are also unaware that she's underage (you have to be twenty-one in order to be considered for Roller Derby). By the time she starts participating in matches, she develops a rivalry with Iron Maven (Juliette Lewis), the confrontational leader of undefeated champions of Roller Derby, the Holy Rollers. Nevertheless, Bliss has never felt more alive. At long last, she has found something she loves to do, and she does it with people she enjoys being around. Eventually, she will have to find and maintain that delicate balance between her passion, her family, and her life back home, a process that isn't as easy as it might seem.
One could see this film just for the satisfaction of watching an uplifting, inspirational sports film, as has been done so many times before. For me, what made this movie so enjoyable were the characters, most so interesting and well developed that they seemed authentic. Bliss, for example, is willful and determined, yet not so haughty that she only seems like a spoiled brat. There's a remarkably tender side to her, and yes, some of it is reserved for her mother. It would have been easy to write Brooke as a controlling, spiteful stereotype, but all of that is avoided--despite having unrealistic expectations and a dated ideal of successful womanhood, she genuinely cares about her daughter, and we sense that all throughout. The only character who poses a bit of a problem is Bliss' father, Earl (Daniel Stern), seemingly included just for the sake of physically and morally clashing with his wife.
Other characters function as quirky interludes, like Bliss' supportive best friend, Pash (Alia Shawkat), the Hurl Scouts' eccentric coach, Razor (Andrew Wilson), and the boisterous Roller Derby announcer, "Hot Tub" Johnny Rocket (Jimmy Fallon). The screenplay even has room for a teen romance between Bliss and a guitarist named Oliver (Landon Pigg), who eventually swaps his coat for Bliss' Stryper tee shirt (which she claims is the only cool thing her mother ever gave her). Most of these characters, the last one especially, are expected, as is the inevitable final match between the Hurl Scouts and the Holy Rollers. And yet, it all comes together smoothly, making for a fun and endearing film that you'll want to see through to the end.
The game sequences are quite effective on their own, not only because of the well choreographed skating maneuvers, but also because of the camerawork; every shot exploits the spectacle that is Roller Derby, gliding in time with the actors as they zoom over and around each other on an inclined track. Other shots reveal the grungy feel of a Roller Derby event, from the makeshift arena to the ramshackle benches to the screaming fans, most of whom look no older than twenty. This is interesting in and of itself, given the fact that, save for Bliss, all the teammates are in their early to late thirties; one of them even has a young son. Knowing these women are mostly in it for the love of the game, one wonders how long Bliss can keep playing right alongside them. But if there is a message attached to "Whip It," it has nothing to do with what the future may or may not bring; this movie is all about living in the now and loving every minute of it.

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Hang onto your helmet and get ready to break away from the pack! Ellen Page scores huge laughs as Bliss Cavendar, a small-town teenager with a big dream: to find her own path in the world. Tired of following in her family’s footsteps of compliance and conformity, Bliss discovers a way to put her life on the fast track...literally. She lands a spot on a rough-and-tumble roller derby team and becomes “Babe Ruthless” — the hottest thing on eight wheels! Co-starring Drew Barrymore (in her feature film directorial debut), Marcia Gay Harden, Juliette Lewis, Daniel Stern and Jimmy Fallon, Whip It is a triumphant, free-spirited comedy loaded with high-speed action and nonstop fun!
Audio: English: 5.1 Dolby Digital / Spanish: Dolby Surround / French: Dolby Surround
Language: Dubbed: English, French & Spanish / Subtitled: English, French & Spanish
Theatrical Aspect Ratio: Widescreen: 2.40:1

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